Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
The Backroads Lead Home
Last night I had a recurring dream that has been plaguing me for the past couple weeks. It seems to be getting more intense each time so I thought it would make a nice blog topic....
It was a sunny day and I had just gotten of work and me and some of my co-workers decided to go to a nearby park to watch a movie that was playing there and have lunch. There were lots of other people already there when we arrived. We found a place to sit under the shade of a tree and spread out a blanket to have our lunch. We had only been relaxing there a few moments before we heard the sound of loud sirens echoing from down the street. We all turned towards the sounds of the sirens and we all saw strange looking fire trucks and police cars whiz by in full speed. They all stopped at a nearby corner. Some people got up to look and I joined in to see what was going on. I saw mechanical (almost robotic) looking men get out of the fire trucks and cop cars. They were arresting people and shoving them into their vehicles. I didn't think it was a big deal so I decided to go back under the tree with my co-workers but when I turned around the park was completely empty. Everyone had vanished. Disappeared. I was the only one left in the park. Even the shade of the tree was gone - the sky was cloudy and it looked like it might rain.
I became very uneasy and jittery because I wasn't sure what to do. I ran back to the place under the tree to see if any of my things were there. I found my food and my backpack still sitting on the ground so I grabbed them and headed for the sidewalk to leave the park. At that particular moment I heard a loud, forceful voice ringing in my ears. It was a man's voice and he was speaking to me. "Don't take the main roads - take the back roads!" I hesitated for a moment and then I heard the voice again repeating the same thing. So I turned around and headed in the opposite direction to take the back roads. It was then that I realized that the police cars and fire trucks were arresting any people they found traveling on the main roads.
I could hear sirens from almost every direction so I started running until I came to a large sky scraper building made out of black glass. I went inside and there were dozens of business people working inside. They seemed unaware of what was going on outside and they didn't notice me either. I found an elevator and decided to hide myself on it. Inside the elevator there were 4 men. One man was black and another one was white. I can't remember the race the other 2 men were. They were all stone cold and had no expressions on their faces except for the black man. He was giving me a strange look. I started praying silently under my breath. The black man turned to me and said, "I can hear what you're saying! It won't work! Who are you talking to?" He started jumping and having seizures. The other 3 men remained still and silent - almost like robots.
I got off the elevator and decided to go back to work. Thats when I heard the same loud, forceful voice again. "Don't go to work! Go home! Something bad is going to happen!" It kept repeating 'something bad is going to happen' over and over in my head. Outside people were still being seized and taken away by the fire trucks and police cars. So I decided to obey the voice and take the back roads and go home.....Then I woke up.
Just a dream...but why do I keep having this dream?
It was a sunny day and I had just gotten of work and me and some of my co-workers decided to go to a nearby park to watch a movie that was playing there and have lunch. There were lots of other people already there when we arrived. We found a place to sit under the shade of a tree and spread out a blanket to have our lunch. We had only been relaxing there a few moments before we heard the sound of loud sirens echoing from down the street. We all turned towards the sounds of the sirens and we all saw strange looking fire trucks and police cars whiz by in full speed. They all stopped at a nearby corner. Some people got up to look and I joined in to see what was going on. I saw mechanical (almost robotic) looking men get out of the fire trucks and cop cars. They were arresting people and shoving them into their vehicles. I didn't think it was a big deal so I decided to go back under the tree with my co-workers but when I turned around the park was completely empty. Everyone had vanished. Disappeared. I was the only one left in the park. Even the shade of the tree was gone - the sky was cloudy and it looked like it might rain.
I became very uneasy and jittery because I wasn't sure what to do. I ran back to the place under the tree to see if any of my things were there. I found my food and my backpack still sitting on the ground so I grabbed them and headed for the sidewalk to leave the park. At that particular moment I heard a loud, forceful voice ringing in my ears. It was a man's voice and he was speaking to me. "Don't take the main roads - take the back roads!" I hesitated for a moment and then I heard the voice again repeating the same thing. So I turned around and headed in the opposite direction to take the back roads. It was then that I realized that the police cars and fire trucks were arresting any people they found traveling on the main roads.
I could hear sirens from almost every direction so I started running until I came to a large sky scraper building made out of black glass. I went inside and there were dozens of business people working inside. They seemed unaware of what was going on outside and they didn't notice me either. I found an elevator and decided to hide myself on it. Inside the elevator there were 4 men. One man was black and another one was white. I can't remember the race the other 2 men were. They were all stone cold and had no expressions on their faces except for the black man. He was giving me a strange look. I started praying silently under my breath. The black man turned to me and said, "I can hear what you're saying! It won't work! Who are you talking to?" He started jumping and having seizures. The other 3 men remained still and silent - almost like robots.
I got off the elevator and decided to go back to work. Thats when I heard the same loud, forceful voice again. "Don't go to work! Go home! Something bad is going to happen!" It kept repeating 'something bad is going to happen' over and over in my head. Outside people were still being seized and taken away by the fire trucks and police cars. So I decided to obey the voice and take the back roads and go home.....Then I woke up.
Just a dream...but why do I keep having this dream?
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Women Men Despise
This is an article I found on AOL today called "Women Men Despise". Read it and leave your opinions. Interesting and funny I think...
1.) Church Girls - What about the women? I'll name one kind: Church Girls. They live in this twisted world where they think they can treat you poorly, cheat, b**** and complain, but as long as they go to church it's OK for them to do this. It's more like the Devil is in their souls instead of God.
2.) The Dishonest Diva - Two major complaints: 1. She's not as advertised. Someone who says she is one sort of person when she is not. Might as well be honest about oneself; the truth will soon come out. 2. She is afraid to say no. If she doesn't like something (Chinese food, old movies, etc.), it's better to say so than to complain about it after the fact.
3.) The Constant Housewife - While I look for someone who realizes the importance of family and having a family together, I also hope to find someone who feels that all homey things are not her responsibility alone, because that will put a strain on the relationship down the road. [These women] are angry if you spend more then a couple of times a month by yourself or with friends. A relationship requires mutual benefits, [so] if you are given time with your friends or alone then she should [take] the same. This is even more important when you have kids together. In fact, if she is the primary childcare giver then she should be given more time away from the kids if she so chooses. [The ideal] woman is one who realizes that every minute of free time should not be spent together, but a good portion should. There is a reason they call it a relationship!
4.) The Cheater - When my ex left me, it was in the morning, and she was packing her bag.
I asked, "Hey -- where are you going?"
[She said,] "I'm leaving."
[I said,] "I understand that part, where are you going?"
[She said,] "I'm leaving you."
Turns out she was leaving me for one of the groomsmen from our wedding. Now, I should have seen that one coming since she had left her ex (who was a very good friend of mine) for me (though I assumed that it was because he'd left the state for months without saying anything). Lesson learned -- once a cheater, always a cheater.
5.) The Toxic Date - I do believe that everyone has some faults and … no one is perfect. But if a person is toxic... and if he or she doesn't treat their partner, other people and themselves with respect, that's a good sign the relationship isn't on a healthy path. Male or female. It is always good to know the signs...
6.) Too-Good-To-Be-True Girls - OK, so almost every guy is bad. But guys need to look out for the girls who can melt anyone with their smile. You have to prove your worth a million times over while the greaseball at the bar only has to buy her a few drinks and practice some "Pick-up Artist," "Glamour," "Desperate Housewives," and "SATC" lines to guide them.
7.) The Loudmouth - The type I hate the most is the girl who does not know that normal people can speak in regular voices and everything does not have to be screamed. Men, obviously, tend to be more laid back than women. Women need to realize that constant lecturing and yelling is not a desirable trait.
8.) The Manipulator -How many times have I heard a woman expecting a man to change, whether it is me or a friend of mine? No way. It won't happen and never should happen in any case. If you are a certain way when the two of you met, then that's the way it has to be all the time. To expect one person to change for you is essentially cheating on your part … if you know the rules of the game going in, and you try to change the rules in the middle of the game, you are CHEATING!
9.) The Attention Seeker - I had one woman who came on to me once, and not only did it turn out that she was married, but she was also out for the attention. After I found out (about the married part) I stopped looking at her in that way, and she knew it. Still haven't heard the end of that. For some reason, I'm the bad guy.
10.) The So-Called Feminist - My ex-girlfriend used to refuse to pay for anything, to the point where she wouldn't even bring her wallet along. One time we went to a place that didn't accept credit cards, and since I didn't have enough cash to cover both of us and she didn't have anything on her, we couldn't go. The one time she did treat me to a movie, it was used against me for the next month -- i.e., '"You buy dinner since I got the tickets; you get this movie since I got the last one," etc.
She also gave me a list of minimum things to get her for Valentine's Day (at least a dozen roses, at least a box of chocolates), which in addition to being expensive (especially since I was just a student), took the fun out of surprising her. She didn't get me anything in return, incidentally.
11.) Talkers - Women have this innate ability to think of 5000 different things...all at once. Now that all by itself isn't a bad thing. But living with a girl/woman who thinks that a man should also be able to rapid fire the cranial neutrons at light speed and jump from conversation topic to conversation topic in a nano-second is, well, mind blowing. Guys just don't do that. See, we think or talk of just one subject or topic at a time. When we're done with that one topic, we put it away and go to the next one. Orderly, organized, logical, and processed. Then we marry, move in, or live with a creature of the opposite sex who believes that every subject in the world is totally within bounds to talk about...all within 15 seconds. [Plus,] when men want to be romantic, we don't want [this] going on...whatsoever! When we're being romantic, there is absolutely NO ability for a man to think of more than that one thing...even if we wanted to. We're just not programmed that way. If a woman wants to talk, she needs to get that out of the way early in the evening. Nothing can kill a nice romantic evening like talking about the neighbors, the kids, the office, money, politics, birds, the grass growing, her mother, her brother, her friends, the washing machine, the doorman, the car, the store clerk...blah, blah, blah…ARGH! Sometimes less is more.
12.) City Gals - Most city women are useless Barbies. Country or small town women are less likely to be pampered lazy idiots.
13.) She's Too Busy Looking For Mr. Perfect - So many women are looking for Mr. Perfect. Here is a story about looking for perfection. A woman was driving down the highway, and since she had been driving all day, she was hungry. She started to look for a restaurant to have dinner, but could not find a restaurant she liked. One was too big (slow service). One was too commercial (quality?). One was too out of the way. One had too many semi-trucks parked around it (country Western). One had an empty parking lot. She looked and looked until she was so hungry she decided to eat at the next restaurant she saw. She drove up, walked to the front door and saw the sign: CLOSED! The moral is that people looking for perfection seldom find it.
14.) The Beauty Queen - Yup, it's true, and boys should be told this when they're still young, that good lookin' is only good fer lookin' or you will just get your heart smashed and pulled out your behind when you see her smoochin' on another guy behind your back. Pick an ordinary, no-frills type of gal who likes you for who you are and likes to be with you. Even then you better keep your eyes wide open. By the way gals, that old princess thing stinks.
And More...
The Super-Insecure-Girl - who needs constant verbal affirmation and obsessively compares herself to others.
The All-Around-Mentally-Ill - who's on a dozen medications, the combination of which is doing little to diminish the emotional roller-coaster that is her existence.
The-Risk-Taker - impulsive and reckless, often smokers or addicts (but not always!), who takes dangerous risks without considering consequences.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Miss Anti Social
I can't seem to get where I want to be
A wandering vagabond I am
Never excluded from the world
Yet, never accepted nonetheless
"Such a pretty face," they say.
"It's a shame that she is so strange and dull."
I just don't get it
Me being myself is always so difficult
Confusion is my shadow
I wake up with the moon
And fall asleep with sun
Forever backwards and loving it
Everyday I look at myself in the mirror
And I laugh at myself
"Who is this funny girl?"
The girl with the sad eyes and simple ways
Do I scare you?
Can I make you laugh?
Am I intimidating?
Am I really worth less than nothing?
Where did I come from and where am I going?
What is the true meaning of beauty?
And since when did it become just physical?
Too many questions.
I've revealed too much.
My insides and feelings don't matter to anyone
Only whats on the outside
And how well I can keep up appearances
I cringe and stagger
Outside beauty cannot be judged with inside beauty
The results are tragic
Now all I do is sit quietly
Look what they've made me:
Miss Anti Social
Written December 2006
Bittersweet
Happiness.
My ultimate lifes goal.
I crave those happy tears.
Those memorable moments.
I don't want to fall asleep
and dread the rising sun.
Or live my life day to day
going through the motions.
Why am I here?
Who do I live for?
Happiness.
Happiness is what I live for.
Attaining it a chore of its own.
I wish I could smile
for no simple reason,
Simplistic and innocent.
Oh, how I long for my stolen
childhood treasures.
How I crave the happy-go-lucky feel.
In the middle of the night
my soul cries out
"Wake up and move your feet!"
Who wants to come on an adventure with me?
Who wants to touch the sky?
Who wants to smile with me?
Take my hand, lets run away
and never ever look back.
Just happiness, pure happiness.
One day
One life
Once moment
I'll smile myself to sleep.
Written 11/14/06
Quiet
Maybe I should be quiet.
I think too much.
Reading between the lines.
I'm like a water balloon filled up with too much water.
I'm silent now, but sooner or later I'll have to burst.
The scared little girl who thinks too loudly, but could never express it verbally.
Afraid of being ridiculed or shut out completely.
Being a hipicrit to my own self, wanting to be accepted but not wanting to be like anyone else.
Bending to their ways and playing their little games.
False courage creeps into me; I've put on a mask of audacity.
I speak just an inkling of my mind so sure that I will be understood.
All eyes are on me full of belittlement and pity.
I shrink back in disgusted embarrassment.
Maybe I should just be quiet.
I think too much.
Back to my little corner, shriveled up in a ball.
Cover my ears, close my eyes and seal my mouth with wax.
Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.
Isn't that the way it's suppose to be?
The minds of the few, too strange to decise.
We stay in our little corners so everyone else can play nice.
Tick-tock, tick-tock...waiting, waiting, waiting...when will it be our turn to play?
Written 11/04/2006
Monday, February 2, 2009
What Is A Woman?
I want to be a woman...
How does a woman think?
A real woman doesn't embarrass easily
and she knows how to make good decisions.
So why do I always cry at the first sign of rain
and use foul language when I can't express my feelings?
A real woman will brush her shoulders off
and not care what other people say;
she always thinks before she speaks.
So why do I always belittle myself
and compare myself to others
or lie because telling the truth hurts too much?
A real woman is patient,
she knows how to fix and get over her mistakes.
So why do I always lose confidence in myself
or always expect the worst to happen?
Now I'm in transition.
I know who I want to be.
I know who I don't want to be.
I'm seemingly stuck in my little girl ways
while grasping for my womanhood.
It's like losing a baby tooth
and waiting for the new tooth to grow in.
Who knew that becoming a woman was like
being born and starting all over again?
I'm tired of being a girl.
I want to be a woman....
01/21/07
How does a woman think?
A real woman doesn't embarrass easily
and she knows how to make good decisions.
So why do I always cry at the first sign of rain
and use foul language when I can't express my feelings?
A real woman will brush her shoulders off
and not care what other people say;
she always thinks before she speaks.
So why do I always belittle myself
and compare myself to others
or lie because telling the truth hurts too much?
A real woman is patient,
she knows how to fix and get over her mistakes.
So why do I always lose confidence in myself
or always expect the worst to happen?
Now I'm in transition.
I know who I want to be.
I know who I don't want to be.
I'm seemingly stuck in my little girl ways
while grasping for my womanhood.
It's like losing a baby tooth
and waiting for the new tooth to grow in.
Who knew that becoming a woman was like
being born and starting all over again?
I'm tired of being a girl.
I want to be a woman....
01/21/07
Sick & Happy
Have you ever felt so helpless?
So down and sick?
Trapped within a place of another man's world?
So far deep in a pit
you swear you could
feel the flames of hell.
Yet so, so cold.
Freezing from the inside out.
They laugh, they poke, they prod.
Completely oblivious...
Trying to see how far they can get
without actually committing murder.
You'll never be able to trust another smile,
A smiling face, all the while dying underneath.
Little do we know the secret lives of these happy people.
That happy man that holds his gun to his head
every night because he knows he will soon lose his job.
That happy woman that hesitates a pillow
over her sleeping childs head at night because
she can't stand the sound of his crying when he's hungry.
That happy teenager that stares
at a bottle of pills everyday
wondering when the nerve will strike to swallow them.
That happy child that cries at night
when stepdad comes into the bedroom.
So down trodden and bare,
yet we live in a free land,
A land of justice and equality.
The milk and honey overflows....
Then why are we so oppressed?
Look outside and see the smiling faces,
So happy and perfect.
So sick and happy.
12/13/06
So down and sick?
Trapped within a place of another man's world?
So far deep in a pit
you swear you could
feel the flames of hell.
Yet so, so cold.
Freezing from the inside out.
They laugh, they poke, they prod.
Completely oblivious...
Trying to see how far they can get
without actually committing murder.
You'll never be able to trust another smile,
A smiling face, all the while dying underneath.
Little do we know the secret lives of these happy people.
That happy man that holds his gun to his head
every night because he knows he will soon lose his job.
That happy woman that hesitates a pillow
over her sleeping childs head at night because
she can't stand the sound of his crying when he's hungry.
That happy teenager that stares
at a bottle of pills everyday
wondering when the nerve will strike to swallow them.
That happy child that cries at night
when stepdad comes into the bedroom.
So down trodden and bare,
yet we live in a free land,
A land of justice and equality.
The milk and honey overflows....
Then why are we so oppressed?
Look outside and see the smiling faces,
So happy and perfect.
So sick and happy.
12/13/06
Monday, January 26, 2009
Audacity
Please, please, please! Leave me alone. Why are you always bothering me? Always in my ear. Are you trying to help or are you trying to drive me crazy?!
Does it make you feel good to see me angry? Does it make you feel good to see me depressed? Does it make you feel good to see me struggle?
I'm trying the best that I can and I don't know everything! And guess what?...Neither do you! So take your pointless words of "advice" and go away.
Can't you see you're killing me? I'm dying and you can't even see it. Why do you keep making it worse?
What kind of friend are you?
What kind of mother are you?
What kind of sister are you?
What kind of father are you?
What kind of brother are you?
What kind of person are you?
You assume I have no emotions when it comes to my feelings. In your eyes I am just a dumb, incompatant child.
And all the while you have the audacity to wonder how I got this way...
7/24/04
Does it make you feel good to see me angry? Does it make you feel good to see me depressed? Does it make you feel good to see me struggle?
I'm trying the best that I can and I don't know everything! And guess what?...Neither do you! So take your pointless words of "advice" and go away.
Can't you see you're killing me? I'm dying and you can't even see it. Why do you keep making it worse?
What kind of friend are you?
What kind of mother are you?
What kind of sister are you?
What kind of father are you?
What kind of brother are you?
What kind of person are you?
You assume I have no emotions when it comes to my feelings. In your eyes I am just a dumb, incompatant child.
And all the while you have the audacity to wonder how I got this way...
7/24/04
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