Do you know what makes me feel funny? Feel nervous and lame? In a way I almost feel afraid and embarrassed. But it's love. I have never been in love but I think about it a lot. Never held hands or kissed someone on the lips. How embarrassed I feel. Will I ever find someone? Or even get married? I dream of a perfect relationship but there is no such thing as perfect in this world. I am certainly not perfect. I don't attract hopefuls in any incredible fashion. I am just simply, mediocre and average.
What does it feel like to hold hands with a person who loves you? What is the exact meaning of a kiss? Will love ever choose simple, average, mediocre me? I can't imagine someone looking into my eyes and saying, " I love you". Those words are rarely spoken to me to begin with. I would be too timid and extremely shy to say those three precious words to anyone.
I think that I may be scared of love. But why? No man has loved me before or even tried to love me. I must be dreadfully invisible for none have ever approached me in any romantic way. But I must admit that deep down inside I secretly long for him. Whoever it may be that I might have. It's a terrible feeling to be lonely and wonder if I might be this way for the rest of my life.
Could someone love me?!
I wouldn't tell anyone; I'd keep it a secret. And maybe, just maybe if I'm brave enough, I'd whisper those three precious words back to him.
written 7/24/04
No comments:
Post a Comment