Miss Anti Social

I can't find what I'm looking for

I can't seem to get where I want to be

A wandering vagabond I am

Never excluded from the world

Yet, never accepted nonetheless

"Such a pretty face," they say.

"It's a shame that she is so strange and dull."

I just don't get it

Me being myself is always so difficult

Confusion is my shadow

I wake up with the moon

And fall asleep with sun

Forever backwards and loving it

Everyday I look at myself in the mirror

And I laugh at myself

"Who is this funny girl?"

The girl with the sad eyes and simple ways

Do I scare you?

Can I make you laugh?

Am I intimidating?

Am I really worth less than nothing?

Where did I come from and where am I going?

What is the true meaning of beauty?

And since when did it become just physical?

Too many questions.

I've revealed too much.

My insides and feelings don't matter to anyone

Only whats on the outside

And how well I can keep up appearances

I cringe and stagger

Outside beauty cannot be judged with inside beauty

The results are tragic

Now all I do is sit quietly

Look what they've made me:

Miss Anti Social

Written December 2006

Bittersweet

Happiness.

My ultimate lifes goal.

I crave those happy tears.

Those memorable moments.

I don't want to fall asleep

and dread the rising sun.

Or live my life day to day

going through the motions.

Why am I here?

Who do I live for?

Happiness.

Happiness is what I live for.

Attaining it a chore of its own.

I wish I could smile

for no simple reason,

Simplistic and innocent.

Oh, how I long for my stolen

childhood treasures.

How I crave the happy-go-lucky feel.

In the middle of the night

my soul cries out

"Wake up and move your feet!"

Who wants to come on an adventure with me?

Who wants to touch the sky?

Who wants to smile with me?

Take my hand, lets run away

and never ever look back.

Just happiness, pure happiness.

One day

One life

Once moment

I'll smile myself to sleep.

Written 11/14/06

Quiet

Maybe I should be quiet.

I think too much.

Reading between the lines.

I'm like a water balloon filled up with too much water.

I'm silent now, but sooner or later I'll have to burst.

The scared little girl who thinks too loudly, but could never express it verbally.

Afraid of being ridiculed or shut out completely.

Being a hipicrit to my own self, wanting to be accepted but not wanting to be like anyone else.

Bending to their ways and playing their little games.

False courage creeps into me; I've put on a mask of audacity.

I speak just an inkling of my mind so sure that I will be understood.

All eyes are on me full of belittlement and pity.

I shrink back in disgusted embarrassment.

Maybe I should just be quiet.

I think too much.

Back to my little corner, shriveled up in a ball.

Cover my ears, close my eyes and seal my mouth with wax.

Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.

Isn't that the way it's suppose to be?

The minds of the few, too strange to decise.

We stay in our little corners so everyone else can play nice.

Tick-tock, tick-tock...waiting, waiting, waiting...when will it be our turn to play?

Written 11/04/2006